EAP and Depression

Many people come to Fresh Steps because they are suffering from depression. Depression has symptoms to include feelings of sadness, lack of interest in usual activities, poor appetite or overeating, having no energy or feeling fatigued, inability to sleep or sleeping too much, feeling hopeless, having a hard time concentrating or working, among others. See you therapist and talk about your symptoms to find out if a mood disorder describes your symptoms. You may find that medication paired with therapy helpful.

Using EAP to treat depression has one difficult part - getting to the arena to work. If you are depressed so much that you are unable to get to your appointments, you may need to see a psychiatrist for medical assistance. If you are able to make it to see the horses, talk to your therapist about how you feel, and be sure to give yourself time with your new friend, the horse.

Why the long face? Horse faces are very emotive.

If you are an EAP practitioner, be sure to give your clients time to be with their horse, and talk about how the horse feels about them. How does the horse feel today? Is the horse engaged with your today, or is the horse occupied with looking out the door or sniffing items in the arena. What does that mean about the horse, and about you?

Since self-esteem can be low with depressed mood, many comments may reflect this, such as the horse not liking me, horse is disinterested, etc. Take time to guide clients to change this feeling by noting behaviors of the horse that challenge this negative view. For example, what are some other possible feelings the horse may have? We have 8 dodge balls with opposite feelings words on each. Sometimes it is easy to just start with having an individual or family explore the feelings words and take some time to think about what each one means. It may also be helpful to see if clients notice that the words are opposites (for children). 

Feelings Balls: dodge balls with paint marker words added to each side

Having a vocabulary for the feelings one is having is essential to sharing with others. In EAP, people have the chance to show how they feel, and process feelings without talking about them. However, outside the arena, family members hope for verbal communication that will help them better understand their loved one. It is ultimately the goal to have a person feel better, but natural supports to include friends and family are necessary for prolonged healing and connection.

Activities that are a great start are feeling for breathing, where on the horse's body can you feel breathing? Sometimes we bring out the stethoscope, and allow participants to listen to breathing and heart beats. This activity helps 'center' a person, and keep them in the present moment. Adults tend to daydream about what was, or worry about what will be. Keeping them focused on the here and now with their horse will help refocus unhelpful cognition.

When there is a success, big or small, be sure to celebrate this success. This could be as simple as having a treat for the horse, or spending time in green pasture together. Be creative. This is simple, it is using positive reinforcement for the little things, like even showing up for a session despite feeling fatigued! Remember also to use retreat and approach so that clients can build trust and rapport with your therapeutic team as well as with their horse.

Part 3: Approach vs Retreat

Approach and retreat is a very powerful intervention to develop trust, confidence, and willingness. Horses play this game with each other - I have also observed them playing with new clients. It is simply that a person or horse approaches the other, may or may not make physical contact (for a short moment) and then walk away. This is repeated many times, depending on the individuals and their brief interaction when they are together.

Horses with eyes and ears forward, ok to approach!

When working with horses, the relationship and communication is what becomes important in the long run. As Pat Parelli always says, "Horses don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." 

I think people are much the same. Take whatever angle you are pursuing, and fill in the blanks. When a horse starts to turn their head away, or look away, take a step back, or turn and walk away. The horse's sense of curiosity gets the best of them. Perhaps they are thinking, "Hey, why aren't you just trying to get me?"

When the horse expects the interaction to create pressure, they stay away. Remember, horses move away from pressure, and move into pain. What we would like is to walk out to the paddock and have the horses walk right up to us in a friendly, comfortable way. If we are consistent with them, and retreat when there is too much pressure, the horses will start to feel more confident about the interaction, and they WILL walk right up to us. 

Our outdoor arena is about 80' x 130', and I have often asked those who are new to Parelli to release a horse into this arena with them, and get the horse to come to them. Of course, they don't believe this is possible, but it is! I have them put pressure on the horse's bubble (space) behind the horse, or stare at their tail. Initially, the horse runs around, or runs away. Then, they start to change directions. If they turn towards the person, I have the person take a step back, or turn and walk away from the horse. When the horse starts to run away or stop paying attention to the person, the resume staring at their tail. Believe it or not, I've never seen this NOT work... since that's a lot of negatives, THIS WORKS EVERY TIME. It works so well, that often the horse will start to follow the person, no halters and no lead ropes needed. It is an amazing feeling when the horse follows like this.

Take a moment to put this concept into perspective with others, whether children, spouse, students, clients, or whomever. If the person you wish to engage is feeling pressure from you, release the pressure so the conversation or interaction can happen. Some people will move in despite the pressure, but the relationship will be impaired in the long term. Start to look at your interactions with others and see if you are creating pressure, then approach and retreat until the situation feels more comfortable. Is now the right time to discuss this? Perhaps waiting till the crisis is over, or talking about things before a crisis begins? These are advanced versions of approach and retreat.

Part 2: Ball vs Chair

The Ball versus the chair has been a really great simulation for me, and for both children and adults. It is a great tidbit of information I gleaned from the Parelli Level 2 home study course. The idea is to get the ball and chair to move, without lifting them. The ball seems obvious, right? Push it, and it goes. However, if you push the ball, it can get away easily. Remember your soccer coach? He or she told you about 'ball control' and how important it was. 

You can even try this simulation at home if you have a large activity ball. If you lean forward and use your fingers as you push, you can easily turn and stop the ball if needed, and it doesn't 'escape'. An escape with a real horse means that you have put too much pressure (see Part 1) and the horse moves away too far and/or too quickly. To solve the issue of a horse escaping, we put the smallest amount of pressure, and when we get the smallest response, we stop the pressure and add petting the horse to let them know they did the right thing. The idea is to get the horse as sensitive to human touch as they are to a fly! What would this look like for a person?

The chair is obviously going to respond differently in this activity. In the picture below, the chair has four legs, and is sitting on sand. Try to push the chair from behind, without lifting it. What happens? The back of the chair comes up, and the front legs dig deeper into that sand. What's not moving? The front legs are not moving. How do you get the legs moving while you push the chair? Give a little encouragement to the legs by pushing with your foot, for example. The chair magically slides smoothly through the sand. The idea here is that you must problem solve for something that is not moving - the opposite of the escaping ball. Determine what is not moving, and find a creative way to encourage the non-moving element. What does this look like with a person?

What part is moving more like a ball or a chair?

Take a moment to think about people, and parts of their behavior that are either a ball or a chair. When you ask your boss for a new computer monitor, is their reaction more like a ball or a chair? How about when you ask your husband to go to a movie? Kids to go to the pool? When you can determine what type of movement you are dealing with, and you are asking questions rather than reacting, you keep the ball moving slowly and within your reach, and you don't have to strain your back by lifting the chair!

A more specific example:

You wish to motivate your 18 year old daughter to finish her resume. It is almost the end of the summer, and you are not sure why she has put it off. 

1. Check in with your feelings. Are you angry? Frustrated? Afraid of her reaction to you if you talk about it? What elements are at play for you and your daughter, pressure, or pain?
2. Thank yourself for the input, and put the feelings to one side. Your goal is to motivate, and if your feelings get in the way, this can create too much pressure (escape) or pain (digging in) for your daughter, neither with desirable results.
3. Ask a question. You may need more information to determine what aspects of this issue are more like a ball or a chair for your daughter. Don't use the word, "WHY" - it puts people on the defensive. Who (can she ask for help), what (tools does she need), when (does she have time), where (can she get the information she needs, and how (can you assist), are good words to try.
4. Approach and Retreat. Tune in next week for more about how to use this tool.