Make a Difference in Someone's Life

Recently, an old friend of the family, who I've known since I was a little girl, committed suicide. He left behind three beautiful girls, and I have been wondering how something like this happens. Overall, I don't know, but in this case, I had some ideas. 

My friend was always very popular, very charismatic, and well-loved. He was very talented, he could sing and play the piano very well, and we all enjoyed his playing and singing when he would share. Despite this, he didn't call anyone and ask for help. He could have called any one of hundred of people, but he didn't. Why not?

Perhaps because he was so popular, that it was difficult for him to sort through what was real and what was not. People who are famous or rich, or in the lime-light for whatever reason, seem like they have perfect lives, but I'm wondering if it's not all that great. 

I have a hard time determining who are the good guys and who is trying to take advantage of me and my family. No matter how old I get, I still get tricked from time to time. However, take the example of the famous person - there are apt to be more bad guys trying to take advantage of them than of me. On top of that, some folks may not mean to hurt another, but just want to ride on the coat-tails of someone who appears to be doing well. 

For someone who is popular or famous and suffers from mental illness, this can be very dangerous. Even with all our faculties we still have a hard time making good judgements and choices. When some of our abilities to interpret data are damaged or not working very well, we end up with the wrong responses in our behavior. This could be as innocent as thinking someone is our friend when they really aren't, or as serious as believing we are a burden to our friends and family. 

When someone pretends to be your friend, you feel pretty icky, but imagine thinking that the people who love you the most would be better off without you around? More than icky. 

If someone you know struggles with the question of whether or not you need them, remind them. If you have an acquaintance that seems different, say something. When you walk down the street, or go in and out of a business, hold the door for someone, smile, make eye contact, be nice. Those kinds of things helps people who feel lonely and depressed to question their decision about the world, and helps them see that there is good out there. You really can make a difference in someone's life. Please try at every chance you get.

Feeling stuck? An introduction to getting un-stuck.

There are times in therapy when clients get stuck. As a client, this can be very frustrating, and can even lead some to seek out a new therapist, or a new type of treatment. Worse, some clients may give up on the process of healing all together, because they start to believe that there is no hope. Clearly, being stuck is something to avoid. 

It seems that it should be easy to keep people interested in treatment when they get to interact with horses, but getting stuck still happens. As a therapist, one may decide it is the clients falt. For example, the client must be doing something wrong such as not sharing, being defensive, or using defense mechanisms, or is just not invested in treatment. This may be true, but may also be an excuse so the therapist does not feel like a failure! If you are a treatment professional, ask yourself if there is something more going on. Remember, "it's never about what it's about", meaning, it is often not what is being talked about, rather, it is something deeper. If you are the person who is stuck, ask the same question! There are three areas that can be reviewed to determine how to get things moving again, and this article will, therefore, be divided into three parts:

1. Pain vs Pressure
2.  Ball vs Chair
3. Approach vs Retreat

The first, Pain versus Pressure, is something I learned about through EAGALA, and the last two, are Parelli Natural Horsemanship concepts that I have found very helpful with myself and my clients.